Dealing with Jealousy

Graduate school is a closed system.  When you are in it you feel that you will never leave, and you constantly compare yourself to other students.

When you quit, prepare for some of your friends to be jealous.  When you get a job, prepare for them to be jealous.  Even if you stay, prepare for them to be jealous when you finish your comp exams, or file your dissertation.  It isn't even their fault--the environment itself is toxic and many faculty actively encourage deep competition between students that can lead to alienation and an inability to understand that someone else's success isn't coming at your expense.

That's why it is so important to make friends and build yourself a network.  Everyone struggles with graduate school, so study groups, fellow graduate student friends, and support from your fellow Teaching Assistants is critical. Some programs are incredibly cut throat, and I know some of you cannot find a friendly face in your program. If that is the case, look to buddy up with graduate students in other departments.  You need people you can vent to, look to for advice, and count on for emotional support and advice navigating your program.  You need peers more than ever.

Sometimes you can find these people at seminars, in coursework outside your department, or with others who are interested in similar research to you.  Sometimes they are ahead of you in your program (which is always helpful!), or even junior faculty.  If all else fails look for local meet ups, book clubs, or even join a casual sports team. 

And try to be supportive yourself. It's easy to feel jealous of other's success, but it's a lot less lonely to celebrate with them.