Still Standing By the 85% Rule

If you are finding this blog late at night, I know exactly what advice you need--the 85% Rule. Stop fretting, worrying, googling the same keywords so many times you realize you have read everything on the Internet ever written about your problem.  

Most of all, stop worrying about making decisions with 100% certainty!

Step One

Quiet your mind.  Meditate, take a break.  Read Zen Habits. 

Step Two

When you feel 85% confident about your decision, act on it.

Life is not about certainty. If you wait until you are ready, you will be dead. It will never happen.  So stop letting the perfect be the enemy of the good, and let the good be good enough.

Step Three

Let the synchronicity begin...

Should you Leave or Stick it Out?

Graduate school is an intensive experience of socilazation that involves breaking you down and rebuilding you into a scholar.  That process is painful, stressful and involved.  You will stretch in ways you never could have imagined, and will literally find that you will come to see the world in a different way.

Sometimes it can be difficult to sort out whether you are expericing a period of stress, or whether you really are burned out because this isn't the path for you. If you are reading this because you can't decide, here are some steps that may help you step back and analyze:

Where are you in the program?

If you have a major milestone like a thesis due, you just need to make sure that you will have the energy to get across the finish line.  You may also want to consider whether you are tired of graduate school beaucase of where you are in your program, or whether this really just isn't for you.

Talk to other graduate students.  Is it normal for people to feel this way around Comp exams/Coursework phase/insert other milestone here?  Depending on your program, there may be milestones when people tend to evaluate what they are doing and where they are going.

Sometimes we need more help in determining stress and burn out.  I can't recommend enough the use of a good therapist (which is often covered through your graduate student fees), or a good book like Finding Your Own North Star or the Artists Way.

Two Years and Counting...and No Regrets!

I don't check this blog but every six or twelve months, but I find it incredibly important to leave it up as a guiding beacon for those going through the painful transition of leaving graduate school. The advice I gave several years ago was raw, timely, and very much driven by my lived experience as I decided that staying for my PhD wasn't for me. I thought it might be helpful to know that years later I have no regrets, and still feel my decision ranks among the best choices I have made so far.

This is not to say that I don't have regrets, but none of them center on finishing grad school. Instead, as someone struggling with fertility issues I wish I had tried to have kids earlier.  I wish I had run for city council like so many people in my community encouraged me to--especially now that I am working I have to worry about getting my boss' permission and conflict of interest concerns. I wish I had pursued more of my artistic projects, including stand up comedy that I feel would be potentially problematic now that I am working in a more sensitive job. If anything, I wish I had been braver.

As you think about whether to stay or go, think carefully about what you really want out of life. But know that regardless of what choices you make now, you will have more choices to make in the future.  I can't recommend again the importance of doing some real soul searching now.  Maybe that involves a therapist (which I highly recommend), or maybe it's just some great books like Finding Your Own North Star or the Artists Way.  Even if you leave for a fabulous job, you'll likely be leaving for another job in the future.  So think about that 85% rule: don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good, but take your time to figure out what you really want.

The 85% Rule: Or How to Make Good Decisions

Sometimes we come to a cross roads in life where we face a big decision we just don't feel comfortable making.  We waiver, we delay, we can't decide if we should or shouldn't.  On the really big decisions we worry we are going to screw it up.

1) The 85% Rule.  You don't have to be 100% certain, or even 100% ready. In fact, you probably never will be.  This rule does not mean you rush rashly into a decision.  It simply means that you don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.  You still need to do your research, think about what you want, game out the pros and cons, and examine your feelings.  But if the only decisions you ever make are so easy that you don't feel even the slightest niggling doubt, you are probably only jumping at the safe opportunities.  And that should be scary because some of the best opportunities require us to grow and stretch a bit beyond our comfort zone.  Content yourself with being 85% certain, and when you get to 85% give yourself permission to act.

2) Catastrophe thinking or overthinking.  This is often a consequence of trying to get to 100% certainty. Even when you have done your due diligence, you may feel you just aren't ready. You need more research, more planning. You let yourself get stuck in preparation for a leap you never make.  Anxiety is the easiest way to recognize this problem.  The solution is to get out from behind your computer, stop planning, and start doing. Get out of your house and go interact with people.  Get a piece of paper and literally write down the worst case scenario.  Once you get it on paper or say it out loud true catastrophe thinking reveals itself to be so silly that it melts away as a barrier.  For me, catastrophe thinking made me believe I couldn't quit graduate school until I had a job lined up.  It wasn't until my therapist pointed out that I could make more money working at Starbucks, and could just continue working my part time non-profit job that I finally felt the freedom to quit.

3) Sometimes not making a decision is itself a decision.  If you can't decide between saying yes and saying no, if you wait long enough your opportunity to decide will be gone.  That is ok, and rather than worry about your indecisiveness accept the fact that you are either not willing to make a decision at the moment, or are choosing to stick with the status quo.  Which is actually a decision, so you were more decisive than you thought.